The Balancing Act
Prior to the pandemic, I used to go listen to jazz music pretty much every Sunday night at a bar in Brooklyn. You never knew who was going to be playing, but you knew it would always be great. When the pandemic hit, that stopped.
One of the musicians who frequently played at these Sunday night gigs decided to get a group of colleagues together each weekend to play outdoors so that the music could continue throughout the pandemic.
I went to one of these performances and it was truly amazing. I mean the entire time, I was thinking, “Wow, I’m lucky to be able to just walk twenty minutes and hear music like this in front of someone’s stoop.” I was also thinking these people are so amazing, they must normally play big gigs at big clubs with big names. This must be depressing for them. Yet, they were having so much fun. They were improvising and laughing and spurring each other on. And they were also passing the bucket.
At the end, the band leader went around introducing everyone, he said things like “so and so played with ‘insert big name here’ and he’s also a fellow educator”, “this guy has played all around the world, and he also works as an arranger” and “that fabulous violinist is wearing a suit because he’s racing off to perform at a wedding right after this.”. Do these people play with big names, and have they done big things with their music? Absolutely. Do they still need to ensure they can pay for groceries on a regular basis? Absolutely. 200%.
A few years back, I was excited to see posts on the Facebook feed of an actor who had been in one of my films. She was posting about roles she was booking. When I next saw her, I said, “Hey, I’ve been reading your posts on Facebook; you are booking roles all the time. Good for you.” And you know what her response was? “Yeah, it seems that way, doesn’t it? Let’s get a drink.”
I hear filmmakers say all the time, “I’m raising a million dollars for my film.” Or “Oh, my film has a ten-million-dollar budget, and we aren’t going to do it for anything less. I know we are going to get the money.” And I used to think, “Wow. I’m a loser. Where’s my ten million dollars? I could make twenty films for that. I suck.” But I don’t anymore. I noticed a trend. In the end, each of these filmmakers wound up completing her film on a much lower budget than stated and often a Kickstarter campaign was involved, one that I contributed to.
Most of these people are not trying to pull the wool over anyone’s eyes, pretend they are on their way to stardom or believe the money fairy is coming to their door. They are just trying to keep going and feel like anything is possible. And, I guarantee each of them and/or their partners are working at other jobs to make ends meet. Unless they happen to have a trust fund. If so, well, good for them.
It can seem like everyone around you is doing better than you are which can make you question your level of talent. Talent has nothing to do with it.
This is a mirage; it’s snake oil. It’s a pipe dream sold by society on a silver platter that needs polishing.
If you look under the hood of “instant industry successes” and “celebrities”, you’ll find there is usually a trust fund or a family member who is established in the industry. Sophia Coppola. Talented? Yes. Get a big break in her twenties because of talent? No. That’s not to say she has done anything wrong. If I had the advantages she was given in life, I’d exploit them, too. So, good for her. I mean that. My point is just that most people do not start out fully funded at birth. You are not alone in your struggles.
Just making a film is a huge success; it’s years of work. Your feature played in the “I have a festival in my basement pay me an entree fee so I can feed my kids” international film festival? Shout it out! Your film got screened and you made sure a child was fed. Good for you. It played in the “This festival was postponed due to the need to the repair the venue festival?” Shout it out! (That literally happened to me once. I kid you not. I went all the way to Italy and when I called the festival programmer to figure out where I needed to be, he said, “AH! Well, we have to repair the museum, there was a problem, so maybe next month?”)
When people post their successes with fancy graphics and photos of them on set with “so and so” or talk up their projects as if the deal is made, they are not trying to fool anyone. They are simply enjoying what they have going on while they have it going on and while the dream is still alive. Cheer them on; it’s fun to be part of the crowd who understands. The ones who get it will do the same for you.
The happiest and most talented people I know are the ones that have figured out how to balance their lives; they know how to keep being an artist, not compromise and still pay the bills. They also can be honest with their fellow artists and commiserate when things are tough. (I spent one night competing with friends over who had the most rejections that week, that month, that year, all time…we all won prizes at our competition. I’m still waiting for my plaque…so typical.)
Some weeks or months or maybe even years, artists get to be full-time filmmakers, actors, dancers, painters, and other times, it’s just not possible. Success is about creating and enjoying what you create. Deep down, if you are an artist, you are always an artist whether in the biggest venue or on the smallest stoop. And those who appreciate good music, will show up wherever it is played.