Persistance vs. Punishment

This post is inspired by a conversation I overheard. It was on a cell phone and went something like this “Yeah, I’m auditioning but I haven’t booked anything in a long time and I’m tired and I’m working three jobs...” You can hear the despair in those words. (Other person is talking on the phone, probably saying something encouraging like “You just have to keep going. Eventually it will pan out. Sure you life sucks day to day and clearly you are not enjoying this process but you can do it!!!”) So this is for that performer that I don’t know but I hope stumbles upon this.

We are taught to “keep going” and “not give up” and a host of other good intentioned phrases. However, it’s important to check in with yourself. Are you being persistent for good reason? Or are you punishing yourself by being persistent and not giving up.

Many of us start off our adult lives with a specific path we feel we should follow. Maybe it’s something we studied in school. Maybe it'‘s something we have always loved doing and now we are “in the real world” trying to be a “success” at it.

Groovy. Maybe. Maybe not.

So, the problem many people face is that when they get out into the real world, things don’t go according to plan. I went to college with someone who thought they would have to “pay their dues” by doing soap operas. A really good actor and I get what she meant. She was gorgeous and honestly had the perfect look for soaps. So one thinks, she’s going to get out of college, land a soap opera and move on from there. Well, that didn’t happen. Why? They are hundreds of people “perfect” for soap operas. It’s a tight market. Did she work hard? Yes. Was she talented? 200%! Did she gain employment on a soap. Nope.

To take this a step further, let’s say you are this person and you get out of school and you don’t land that soap opera role or that directing gig or that part in a major musical in the first few years which is the case for most people, unless they have an “in” in the industry already. Then you have to stop and think, “Do I like auditioning?” Auditioning is at least 50% of what most performers do. At least. Some people discover, they hate it. Others love it. Others can’t stand working towards getting the audition which is another 40% of what most performers do. (Really, performers are getting to actually perform about 10% of the time, unless they are making their own work. More on that in a bit.) For a film director, ha ha, well, it’s really hard to get paid jobs directing films, let alone get films funded. So most of the time you are working towards getting those things. (Again, unless you are producing your own work.)

So then, there you are, let’s say an actor…auditioning and trying to get auditions and you HATE it. But you have to keep going? I mean you got the degree, right? And, you are talented, right? And you need to be persistent while hating every minute…you see where this is going?

Now some people LOVE auditioning. It’s fun! Well, then though it can be frustrating to not be working all the time, those people are still enjoying the process of it all. It’s not about talent or the ability to “succeed”…it’s about, are you still happy? Your happiness matters.

So, when you are reflecting on what you want to do….put all the “shoulds” away and think about what makes you happy.

For me, I love making my own work. Have I gotten paid to direct? Yes. Do I get paid to edit? Yes. Do I enjoy that? 200%. But I equally enjoy and in some ways prefer having complete control of what I’m making and not sitting around waiting. And, I am constantly making films or writing scripts or creating videos. My art continues no matter what.

So if you find you are an actor, and sick of auditioning…you could take all the time and effort you put into auditions, let alone getting the audition slot and simply create your own content (maybe with a writing partner if that’s not your thing) and self produce. Do you have to work some extra “side hustle jobs” to fund these? Sure. But at least you will know what you are working towards and know there will be a pay off and not just money seemingly down the toilet going to “meet the agent” and “meet the casting director” events. (And “side hustle” is not a euphemism for those of you with lurid minds…I simple mean extra side gig jobs. Or maybe get a “day job” you like and work your projects around that. You might find it frees you up more this way and you might find your work gets out there more and then people are coming to you saying, “I saw you in that web series you self produced and I’d love for you to come audition for…” It’s more likely that people who see you working all the time, we will want to hire you. Even in corporate America, it is easier to get a job when you already have a job…)

Whatever you decide, don’t persistently bang your head against the wall. Get a hammer and chisel and chip away at it, making a pretty pattern as you go. It’s more fun.